Is someone you care about causing you a great deal of pain?
- Do you find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you’re afraid of the other person’s reaction or because it just doesn’t seem worth the horrible fight or hurt feelings that will follow?
- Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you?
- Are you blamed and criticized for everything wrong in the relationship— even when it makes no logical sense?
- Are you the focus of intense, violent, or irrational rages, alternating with perfectly normal and loving behavior? Does no one believe you when you explain that this is going on?
- Do you feel like the person you care about sees you as either all good or all bad, with nothing in between? Is there sometimes no rational reason for the switch?
- Are you afraid to ask for things in the relationship because you will be told that you’re too demanding or that there is something wrong with you? Do you feel that your needs are not important?
- Does the other person denigrate or deny your point of view?
- Do you feel that their expectations are constantly changing, so you can never do anything right?
- Are you accused of doing things you never did and saying things you never said?
- Do you feel misunderstood and, when you try to explain, do you find that the other person doesn’t believe you?
- Are you often put down?
- If you try to leave the relationship, does the other person try to prevent you, using anything from declarations of love and promises to change to implicit or explicit threats?
- Do you make excuses for their behavior or try to convince yourself that everything is okay?
- Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or even lied to sometimes?
- Do you feel like you’re the victim of emotional blackmail?
If you answered yes to many of these questions, we have good news for you:
- You’re not going crazy.
- It’s not your fault.
- And you’re not alone.
You may share these experiences because someone close to you has traits associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
If you’re concerned, but not sure if your partner has Borderline Personality Disorder, contact me. I’m here to help!
NOTE: Both men and women can exhibit traits of Borderline Personality Disorder.
In most cases, the woman is not mentally ill.
She is simply more emotionally reactive than he.
On more than one occasion a man in couples counseling has suggested that his partner is mentally ill.
When a man is flooded/overwhelmed by his own emotions, he may shut down to protect himself and/or the relationship, hoping that by staying calm she will deescalate. However, this maladaptive communication strategy, experienced as “stonewalling,” typically serves to escalate the relational anxiety of an already terrified and frustrated woman.
This is NOT mental illness, but a negative cycle that is typical of many conflicted couples who have not yet realized how God created them to live in one-flesh partnership with one another.
Learn more about Stonewalling in my FREE online course
Why Won’t He Talk to Me?