Why Do Men Stonewall?

For the last several years running, the most popular post on my Psychology of Men blog has been “Why Do Men Stonewall?” Stonewalling is withdrawing or refusing to respond to your partner. For a man, it may be a response to his own confusion or feeling overwhelmed when she’s upset. Or he may just try to stay calm in the hope that she will also calm down. However, when a man stays calm, it feels like he’s just being nonresponsive to her, which only serves to make her even more anxious.

The message your nonverbal behavior sends
is that you simply don’t care that she’s upset.

In reality, it’s counter-productive. Because it will actually will increase her anxiety & frustration, propelling you both into the same negative cycle that you are trying so hard to avoid.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

  • Guys, do you know what your woman worries about most?
    Do you know how to help her overcome her fears?
    Do you know what that requires of you?
  • Ladies, have you told your man what you’re afraid of?
    (Giving him advice about what you think he needs to do doesn’t count.)

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